I’m sure most of us have fallen into the trap of believing there is something, or someone out there that is better, prettier, sexier, or more perfect for us. Maybe we have fallen into the illusion of having more freedom, or making more money, or getting more likes on Instagram. In our world it’s becoming more difficult to hear our own intuitive voice. With the buzz of social media, politics, and stock markets, there is constantly the illusion of getting gratification quickly. Because I’m human I’ve definitely fallen for it. I’ve fantasized about what I’d do with my earnings when I won the lotto, or what my life would be like if I was an investment banker.
My whole life I’ve battled my desire to be anyone other than who I am, and anywhere other than where I am. My ego leads me to believe that it’s about the destination, and not the journey. As a dreamer, my brain constantly seeks greener grass. I try to solve problems where none exist. I see everything as a puzzle, but sometimes the pieces just don’t fit. Actually, last year my wife bought me a puzzle. I spent hours trying to make the border only to realize I didn’t have all the pieces. So what did I do? I literally spent another few hours trying to put it together without all the pieces because I was “driven.”
Personally, I’ve battled with my desire to seek greener grass my whole life. I guess you could say I’ve been blessed and cursed by being “good” at most things – now, I didn’t say “great.” I know that if I force something long enough it will eventually work out for me, but I usually end up feeling depleted, which then leads me to seek something else because the journey was just TOO hard. I justify seeking greener grass because the hard part is over; the “force” part that is struggle. Right now, I’m coming to terms with my desire to seek.
Last January I was injured, and it threw me into a tailspin – what would I do if I can’t teach yoga? How will I make money? I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to survive, so what did I do? I started to career search. (I’ll save that story for another day.) In September, I finally stepped away from teaching and management at Bottom Line Yoga because in all honesty I was in physical pain, and I needed a break. What I found was that I could not teach, and my business could support itself and me. Now, if you’re a business owner, that realization is truly astonishing. For years I was barely paid myself, I sold my car, (mostly because I was prone to parking tickets), I got a roommate, and I sacrificed. I worked my ass off, only to quit it all and give myself a bonus, which was more than I paid myself my first couple years in business.
So, I guess now what, you ask. Well, I guess that’s why I’m writing, now what? As my wife, Ashley, says, “The grass is green where you water it.” As I see it there are three paths to take, First, I could just keep watering a perfectly green plot of grass. Secondly, I could go out to seek a new plot of grass. But, lastly, I could just do some landscaping.
What I’ve learned is that if the grass is dead or we’re in Arizona, and we foolishly keep watering it, then by all means SEEK other grass. But if the grass is green, and all we need to do is grab an iced tea and water the damn grass, then why on earth keep seeking? Instead, maybe I’ll just plant some shrubs and add a coy pond – I like that idea. Oh and just an fyi, maintenance is still work! Learning how to sustain is part of the cycle of life. If you’re like me and you’re better at the “highs” of beginnings and endings, then maybe it’s time to get comfortable with being comfortable. It’s ok to let go of struggle, grab an iced tea, and enjoy!